I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
