we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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