I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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