your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
