So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
