toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I touched a dick in church today
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