You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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