I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
