I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
tell me about the eggs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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