you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
