I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
