When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
