I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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