Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
