my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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