if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
