This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
