There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
