Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
