My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
