1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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