why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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