Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
