Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
