You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
