Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
