ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
