So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
