I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
