I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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