We're facebook friends in real life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
