Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
