Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
