im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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