when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
