In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
