how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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