my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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