I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
