Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
