Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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