Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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