thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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