i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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