we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will be naked everywhere
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
