I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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