a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
