He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
