brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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