Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
