My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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