Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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